Change is good,right?
27/03/2006 § 3 Comments
I’m kind of having an off day. Please bear with me!
So, I still work part time. We really need my income for awhile longer for a few reasons. I trust my husband for the timing to be released from working too. I love my job. I work with developmentally challenged adults in their home. I love my clients. They are the extended family I don’t have right now. I have poured into their lives for almost 2 years now and they have impacted mine tremendously. I DISLIKE my new work schedule. I now have to work EVERY weekend (it alternates am’s and pm’s). YUCK! I feel bad because it IS an answer to prayer. I wanted more time during the week for homeschooling and other things. We had prayed for months. I was excited about it at first. I thought it would make things better/easier. I now have the problem of trying NOT to dread my weekends. The dynamic at work has changed a lot with my co-workers in an uncomfortable way too and besides, I’m limited on the plans we can make as a family when all of us are together on the weekends. I have to forfeit a lot of time w/them and that makes me sad-and a bit lonely. I also feel like I’m telling the Lord, "Thanks, but no thanks." How awful of me! I don’t mean it that way…do I?
I was thinking about it last night and the word ‘weaning’ came to mind. It would make a lot of sense if that was the Lord’s plan. Maybe I can’t quit cold turkey because it would hurt to not be able to see my clients as much. It would be sort of emotional for me. As I look back, I picked up tons of hours and was ALWAYS there it seemed (I work between 2 houses and have 12 clients). Over the last several months, it has been less and less that I have been able to work extra shifts and now I am there even less. I guess I just have to come to a place where I can accept that this chapter in my life may be coming to an end.
I need a hobby. Maybe SEVERAL!
I suppose there can’t be life without death, huh? (I’m thinking of the scripture about ‘unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it can’t produce fruit…’-something to that effect anyway) Oh I don’t know.
You know how there are things that you really want and you really feel that God has given you the desire for that thing and then when it seems like He’s going to give you that thing you start to almost panic and second guess, ‘wait a minute, did I really want that? Are You sure? You mean NOW Lord? Maybe I CAN wait a little longer, I may have been to hasty…’ on and on and on the thoughts go…like a merry-go-round without a conducter…
I’m sorry if this is kind of heavy. I hope you all have a wonderful day and may the Lord bless you according to all the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus! Just as He has for me!