You Are My All In All

19/04/2010 § 2 Comments

Junk Out 2010!

17/04/2010 § 5 Comments

I used to be relentlessly driven by perfectionism. Like a wild woman bent on attaining approval, I would tear through the house like a Midwestern tornado, making sure not one thing was out of place, screaming like the winds as I went. I wouldn’t even sit down to eat unless all the mess I had made while preparing a meal was completely cleaned up, neither could anyone else. My insecurities beat like the slave I was to them. I was mercilessly driven to perfectly please. After all, the God of the Universe is perfect and wasn’t interested in keeping slouches on hand, now was He? Huh? Was He? I didn’t think so.
I had no peace, no joy. I wasn’t exactly brimming over, spilling any peace or joy on those around me either. When your cup is dry, it doesn’t overflow. Over the years the Lord has freed me from a lot of my burdens. The yoke I carry has never been so light. I have found deep peace and abiding joy, I am starting to bring it to others. My cup has been filling up. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!
So, here we are now. The other side of the pendulum. I have more freedom in Christ now than I have ever hoped, dreamed or imagined I could. After the shackles fell I wasn’t hounding and driving myself to make others, or a false tyrannical god, pleased with my performance. The irony of it all? Now, I am lazy. I think I have figured out why too.
Part of it is fear. I know what I used to be and I DON’T want to go back. Wouldn’t a routine bring me right back to that awful place? The other part is somehow, my brain has convinced me that since I was so uptight for all those years, I needed to just ‘relax’ and stop putting so much pressure on myself. Wouldn’t a routine set me up to be constantly going and doing? The result is where I’m at today. Caught in the middle.  
Oddly enough, I am re-learning self-discipline. I’m trying to find the joys in having a routine without it ruling my life. It’s embarrassing. I’m a grown woman. I can’t go back though, only forward. There are messes. I need to earn my keep. But most of all. I need to do everything as unto the Lord and my family needs me to be the person God created me to be for our family dynamic to work. It blesses them when I choose to be a blessing and do the simplest thing like, pick up after myself to start.
Each morning as I become aware the Lord has blessed me with another day, I choose. As the morning unfolds into afternoon and as afternoon falls into evening and the sun starts to set, all the things I have done are things I have chosen. So are the things that haven’t been done. It’s all a choice. Of course, there is the whole reality of running out of time in a day. But I’m talking about choosing not to do something. I do it every single day.
When I finally put my feet up, reflecting on the day, I need to honestly evaluate my decisions and determine if they were ones that were productive and ones that would have pleased the Lord and benefited my family. I wish I could say ‘yes’ for every day. I can’t. So, I try again, asking the Lord to be the strength in my weakness. All day, every day. He is my portion.

~traci

For The Beloved

16/04/2010 § Leave a comment

Beloved,
This week has flown by. I humbly admit I have not taken the time to be in the Word continually nor have I spent a lot of time in worship. I will plainly divulge where that has left me. My cup is barely moist. It’s lack of spilling over leaves me with nothing to pour out for you. Embarrassment is only the beginning of my feelings, yet, I am compelled toward honesty.

As unique as the Lord has seen fit to fashion me, I can’t help but think (and hope) these human weaknesses I bear and their selfish tendencies are not solely my own. Am I correct?

Have you had times of rushing through the daily grind, your week a blur of vague recollections? Have you experienced the screeching halt of your faith walk upon the realization you have been running on fumes, your spiritual cup dry, right at the time of the need of another and your left standing there with empty hands dangling open and nothing to offer?

That’s how I come to you today. Cup in hand. Dry. Sheepishly eeking forgiveness. My solace is found only in this:

“It is because of the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh Him.”  ~Lamentations 3:22-25

Shall we, together, follow the Shepherd that leads up beside the still waters, that we may plunge our cups deep into the rushing waters that restore our souls and make them to runneth over? If you need me, that’s where you’ll find me.


Refilling my cup to overflowing and drinking in deep His bountiful mercies,
Traci

*Sigh*

14/04/2010 § 3 Comments

Well, I found the ONE way to break my blog. I’m thinking this would be the ideal time to make a move to Word Press. While I can live w/out comments (it’s not why I blog), I really do like the interaction with people (it’s a definite perk to blogging). I have met some sweet, sweet and funny funny people. (check out my blog links and Twitter peeps, seriously awesome folks!)

I will be trying to keep up regular posts while contemplating and making the official move. If you would like to leave a comment, please feel free to join my FB fan page (down a wee bit on the right sidebar) and leave a comment there. It would make me smile and give me warm fuzzies. I like smiling and warm fuzzies.

Thank you for hangin’ in there with me. Oh, and I would also embrace any feedback, support, hand holding, tech savvy tips and the like. Stuff like this makes me, and those in close proximity to me, nervous. Ask my husband and  friends, they’ll tell you why. (hee hee)

Oddly enough this is a bit exciting, lest you think I’m all heart broken. Nah. I do love a good challenge/dare. It’s a spice to my life. Spicy is good!

Love and hugs,
~traci

This Is Intense

14/04/2010 § Leave a comment

Ok, here goes nothin’.

TESTING, TESTING….Please leave a comment if you can so I know this works!
I have serious tech savvy-ness deficiencies that require hand holding at various intervals. This is one of those intervals.

Thanks you for your support.

~traci

ETA: Never mind, I broke it. The comment link ran away with the dish and the spoon. 

I Like…Lilacs

14/04/2010 § Leave a comment

We have a fenced in yard and our neighbors have some lilac bushes on their side of the fence. The last 2 years said lilac bushes have made their way to OUR side of the fence and have been flourishing. This makes me very excited.

Not only do I get to photograph its growth, I get to reap the rewards of picking my own flowers when they bloom.

This year is looking very promising. Don’t you think?

~traci

Part Of A Grateful Community

12/04/2010 § 2 Comments

 (male and female house finches:Carpodacus mexicanus)

Mondays are the day that starts the week and it’s also the day I join with other writers in expressing things we are grateful for. It was mostly due to the inspirational writings of this community’s originator that I knew I needed to make this a part of my life’s journey. So deep. So simple. So moving.

Another part of my decision was based on the premise of the community itself: Gratitude. Gratefulness. Counting our blessings. Focusing on the outer and not the inner. Yep, that’s where I need to look. That’s where I need to share. That’s where I need to reflect. And so I begin…

41. a home
42. two cars
43. shoes
44. clothes to spare
45. health
46. safety
47. jobs
48. food to prepare
49. family and
50. friends to share

While I know I have an abundance to be thankful for, it isn’t always easy to finish my list. I have determined to not let that deter me. If I want to break the old habit of being self-centered and continually introspective, I need to make a new habit of reaching out and looking outside myself. This isn’t going to be easy. I’ve already struggled. That doesn’t matter. It’s worth it.

Won’t you consider joining me on this journey of counting your blessings? You don’t need a blog, grab a notebook, start a journal. It may just change your life, for the better. Isn’t ‘better’ what we all want?

~traci 

holy experience

Where Am I?

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